Rejection

Rejection. It's a hard feeling to swallow, whether it is perceived or real, external or internal. It is a feeling that, if expressed verbally by its host, would say something like, "You aren't good enough" or "You didn't say the right thing" or "You aren't trying hard enough" or "I prefer someone else over you." Not everyone has the guts to reject someone outright; many times they use more discreet mediums to deliver the rejection, such as silence, deliberately leaving you out of a conversation being held in your presence, deciding at the last minute to outsource your project to another company instead of allowing you to do it, promoting your co-worker to manager when he/she has worked for a lesser time at the company than you, giving your co-worker free vacation time for doing a great job - and giving you nothing for your great job; an interviewer who escorts you out only seven minutes into the interview, a friend who won't give a straight answer about wanting to visit you this summer, men who intermittently express interest only to be pulled back by.... ? who knows?, and family members who don't understand you in the way that you long to be understood.

These have all happened to me, both in the past and recently. Of course these incidents are nothing too serious, and there are plenty more situations that I did not list, but when situations like this tend to repeat themselves, over time the mind becomes weak from trying to ward off the bad as it tries to keep itself healthy and balanced. Inevitably, the thoughts and feelings make a connection and if the thoughts are leaning more towards rejection, the feelings follow, and the thick, black smoke of rejection begins seeping in through the cracks.

I think about how my nieces and nephews will grow up and begin experiencing rejection, if they haven't already, and it makes me sad when I picture them feeling that sting of hurt in their little hearts for the first time. What a shock it must be to step out of the warm environment of nurture and love from your family and parents, and into a world of people who are hurtful and unfair, and never see it coming. I remember going to kindergarten and hearing comments being made about my glasses. I had never given my glasses a second thought until I went to school, but all of a sudden I was made aware that the lines (bifocals) running through my glasses were ugly and extremely noticeable by everybody. From then on, I always wondered if kids would continue rejecting me because of them.

And every year when summer comes, I have to listen to comments being made about how "white" I am because my skin can't tan. It sounds funny, but it hurts and I feel rejected every time I hear it. I have felt that way my whole life. To me it is someone saying, "You won't look pretty until you get a tan."

How often do you wonder if you will be "accepted" when getting ready to go into a new situation in your life? And how often do you feel "rejected" once you are there? I hope for your sake that your history is more positive than mine!